Cat Resolutions......

1. I will not flush the toilet when my human is in the shower.
2. As fast as I am, I must remember that I cannot outrun closed doors.
3. I will not lean over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then run screaming into the box of clumping cat litter.
4. I will not back up and fall off of the porch just as my human is telling her friend how graceful I am.
5. I will not bite my human on the butt when she is sitting on the big white drinking bowl.
6. I will not complain that my butt is wet and that I am thirsy after sitting in my water dish.
7. I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I shall not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
8. When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
9. I will not swat at my human's head repeatedly when she is in the living room trying to do sit ups.
10. I will not eat spider plants and hallucinate behind the toilet.
11. I will not drag the magnets off of the refrigerator and then bat them underneath it so they adhere to the underside.
12. I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe my butt.
13. I will no longer attempt to read my human's book or newspaper by sitting my butt down on it. I will no never grow eyes there no matter how hard I try.
14. If I sit in the sink when my human brushes her teeth, I will not get angry when she spits toothpaste on me.
15. If I MUST claw my human. I will not do it in such a way that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.