Ezzie....Curiousity Stinks!!
One of Ezzie's Finest Moments.....
It's 3:00a.m.....I am jolted awake by a stench so horrible I fear I may not do it justice by attempting to describe it in words. Struggling for air and with tears streaming down my face, I manage to stumble across the room and turn on the light. There, in the middle of the bed is Ezzie.....also struggling for air with tears streaming downs his face....however, he is also soaking wet. It takes me but a moment to realize what has happened.....Ezzie the dumbass got too close to skunk ....and got a direct hit in the face.
Now everyone has had the unfortunate pleasure of catching a whiff of skunk now and again, but this was a stink on a whole new level. It burned your eyes, it burned your nose, it burned your throat, you could TASTE it, it made you instantly sick to your stomach, it caused a headache you would not believe....it was AWFUL....and my stupid cat was dripping with it.
I decide to call the vet when I realize that "Mr. I just want to sniff your butt" has begun to foam at the mouth and is unable to open his eyes. They tell me to give him a bath and get as much of it off his face (duh) as possible and that he would be fine. O.k...can do.
An hour later.... the bathroom is pert near flooded, an entire box of bandaids as been used, I have called in late to work, and all I have to show for it is one very wet, very pissed, squinty eyed cat who STILL STINKS.
Oh, and a fine collection of "bathtub war wounds"......
Time to go to work.
And oh what a fine day at work....it takes just two seconds to realize that the gallon of perfume I doused myself with is not doing what I had intended for it to do.....people were jumping out of my way left and right. Those who could stand it, would hang around me just long enough to hear me explain my stinkiness...perhaps offer a bit of advice.....then retreat hastily to areas I had yet to contaminate. Great day for the ole ego.
Of all of the many tips, suggestions, and old wives tales that had been given me...the most common seemed to be bathing the offensive critter in tomato paste. Not tomato sauce, not tomato juice....tomato paste. I figure...what can it hurt? So I hit the grocery store, load up on the stuff and try to ignore the looks, snickers, stares and laughter as I zip through checkout.
Back at home....time to whip out the tomato paste. Knowing that there is no way in hell I am ever going to get Mr. Skunk Sniffer anywhere near the bathroom again, I opt to perform the bathing ritual in the laundry room. So, I open a can....slap some of it on him (the look he gave me confirmed his belief that I had finally gone completely mad), and try to "wash" him with it. Let's take a moment to analyze this last part.....exactly how does one go about "washing" with tomato paste? It does not lather up with water, it does not distribute evenly throughout the hair, it does not have a nice aromatic aroma.....to put it mildly....it is GROSS.....
There will be none of that "rinse and repeat" thing happening I can tell you that.
So....I cover this poor cat from head to paws with four cans of this gloop and do my best to rub it around....he is rather passive about the whole thing which should have been a warning, but I figured he was still recovering from his earlier bathing trauma and was not nearly as cautious as normally am.... Big mistake...HUGE mistake. I turn my head for one second and the next thing I know, he is shaking like a dog and everything within 10 feet of him was being showered with tomato paste.....it was on the walls, the ceiling, the floor, in my eyes, my hair.....my mouth...an unbelieveable mess!!
I do my best to restrain him and get him to the sink for rinsing (not an easy task with tomatoes in your eyes) and start dumping water on him. Damn...this stuff is not easy to rinse off.
An hour later...my poor cat has been rinsed approximately 40 thousand times, there is tomato paste on literally every single surface of the house, I have gone through another box of bandaids and not only does the cat still stink...he is now a lovely shade of pink.
He looked like he went through the wash with a red sock.
So, what did we learn form this little adventure???
I learned to never listen to the people at work.
Ezzie learned that curiousity stinks (and it turns ya pink).
It's 3:00a.m.....I am jolted awake by a stench so horrible I fear I may not do it justice by attempting to describe it in words. Struggling for air and with tears streaming down my face, I manage to stumble across the room and turn on the light. There, in the middle of the bed is Ezzie.....also struggling for air with tears streaming downs his face....however, he is also soaking wet. It takes me but a moment to realize what has happened.....Ezzie the dumbass got too close to skunk ....and got a direct hit in the face.
Now everyone has had the unfortunate pleasure of catching a whiff of skunk now and again, but this was a stink on a whole new level. It burned your eyes, it burned your nose, it burned your throat, you could TASTE it, it made you instantly sick to your stomach, it caused a headache you would not believe....it was AWFUL....and my stupid cat was dripping with it.
I decide to call the vet when I realize that "Mr. I just want to sniff your butt" has begun to foam at the mouth and is unable to open his eyes. They tell me to give him a bath and get as much of it off his face (duh) as possible and that he would be fine. O.k...can do.
An hour later.... the bathroom is pert near flooded, an entire box of bandaids as been used, I have called in late to work, and all I have to show for it is one very wet, very pissed, squinty eyed cat who STILL STINKS.
Oh, and a fine collection of "bathtub war wounds"......
Time to go to work.
And oh what a fine day at work....it takes just two seconds to realize that the gallon of perfume I doused myself with is not doing what I had intended for it to do.....people were jumping out of my way left and right. Those who could stand it, would hang around me just long enough to hear me explain my stinkiness...perhaps offer a bit of advice.....then retreat hastily to areas I had yet to contaminate. Great day for the ole ego.
Of all of the many tips, suggestions, and old wives tales that had been given me...the most common seemed to be bathing the offensive critter in tomato paste. Not tomato sauce, not tomato juice....tomato paste. I figure...what can it hurt? So I hit the grocery store, load up on the stuff and try to ignore the looks, snickers, stares and laughter as I zip through checkout.
Back at home....time to whip out the tomato paste. Knowing that there is no way in hell I am ever going to get Mr. Skunk Sniffer anywhere near the bathroom again, I opt to perform the bathing ritual in the laundry room. So, I open a can....slap some of it on him (the look he gave me confirmed his belief that I had finally gone completely mad), and try to "wash" him with it. Let's take a moment to analyze this last part.....exactly how does one go about "washing" with tomato paste? It does not lather up with water, it does not distribute evenly throughout the hair, it does not have a nice aromatic aroma.....to put it mildly....it is GROSS.....
There will be none of that "rinse and repeat" thing happening I can tell you that.
So....I cover this poor cat from head to paws with four cans of this gloop and do my best to rub it around....he is rather passive about the whole thing which should have been a warning, but I figured he was still recovering from his earlier bathing trauma and was not nearly as cautious as normally am.... Big mistake...HUGE mistake. I turn my head for one second and the next thing I know, he is shaking like a dog and everything within 10 feet of him was being showered with tomato paste.....it was on the walls, the ceiling, the floor, in my eyes, my hair.....my mouth...an unbelieveable mess!!
I do my best to restrain him and get him to the sink for rinsing (not an easy task with tomatoes in your eyes) and start dumping water on him. Damn...this stuff is not easy to rinse off.
An hour later...my poor cat has been rinsed approximately 40 thousand times, there is tomato paste on literally every single surface of the house, I have gone through another box of bandaids and not only does the cat still stink...he is now a lovely shade of pink.
He looked like he went through the wash with a red sock.
So, what did we learn form this little adventure???
I learned to never listen to the people at work.
Ezzie learned that curiousity stinks (and it turns ya pink).
posted by lucyfur at 3:40 PM
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