The cure for feline "It's Mine" disease....
Anyone who has ever had to share a living space with any number of felines, is quite familiar with the laws by which they govern themselves. For example:
*Never exit or enter through a door that has not been opened specifically for you.
*Never let a human go to the bathroom un-attended.
*Never allow any type of paper product to remain in your presence longer than 2 seconds without
sitting on it.
*Never confront the vacuum cleaner.
*Never ignore the can opener.
*Never wait longer than 3 hours to wake up your sleeping human.
*Never allow your human to leave the house without taking a part of you along (some loose hairs strategically placed on their clothing will do the trick).
*Never sleep out of the way.
Just to name a very, very few. But the most important rule known to all cats around the world is this:
*Never forget that everything belongs to you*
(a.k.a. the feline "It's Mine" disease)
In a cats world, they hold the exclusive rights to anything and everything they see fit....period.
No room for interpretation, no margin of error, no chance of negotiation....
If they want it....they shall have it. End of discussion.
It is this particular trait ...found in the genetic makeup of all felines.....that over 93% of owners worldwide claim to be the number one cause of friction in the household. Studies conducted to determine if this trait can be "unlearned" through behavior modification early in kittenhood, have all been unsuccessful. Scientists have been working diligently for years trying to isolate the gene responsible for this behavior, but the probability of their success within the next 20 years is unlikely. A number of vaccinations have been attempted and 12 step programs have sprouted up throughout the nation, yet the problem still remains.
I am here to announce that I.....yes I.....have found a cure to this common feline frustration.
In just minutes, using items currently in your home.....you can reclaim property seized by your cats.
No special training is required, children as young as 5 can successfully administer the cure (with adult supervision), and the risk to the patient is minimal. With a proven 98% success rate, I guarantee that if you try my method, you will not be disappointed. If you are interested in finding out more about this revolutionary discovery....please read on.....
How I Reclaimed My Couch...
My cure for feline "It's Mine" disease was discovered quite by accident.
It was a typical evening....my small herd of "It's Mine" infested felines had just completed their nightly ritual of forcing me off of my couch in order for them to take their after dinner nap ( I feel it necessary to point out that this would be the couch that sits unoccupied all day and only becoming "nap worthy" when I want to sit on it). So, I retreat to my usual place of refuge....the computer.
After a frenzy of face cleaning, a bit of rough housing, and some adjustments for comfort....the cats are soon fast asleep upon their favorite fuzzy blanket on my otherwise neglected couch. They tend to sleep lengthwise, a tactic designed to utilize as much space as possible so as not to be disrupted by anyone attempting to sit down. And so the evening goes...I in my not-so-comfortable desk chair.....and the felines sleeping peacefully in a warm purring pile on the couch.
And so it went, until about 2 hours later when all of the sudden I am startled by the sight of all five cats literally flying off of the couch. Seriously, they literally flew from the couch, in a cloud of hissing, puffed-up, freaked out feline frenzy. When they had landed on the other side of the room, they glared at each other in a strangely accusatory manner...all the while posturing as if ready serious battle.
Once I had recovered from the initial evacuation (which scared the ****crap out of me)....I found myself intrigued by what could have caused such an immediate, simultaneous reaction in all of the cats. As I watched them, still wary of each other, still puffed up and posturing, and very, very jumpy....I became aware of an unusual sound coming from the couch where they had been napping just moments before. It took a moment for it to register, but I realized what was causing the sound and was soon laughing hysterically at what had just occurred.
Apparently, as I was being evicted from my seat on the couch earlier in the evening, my cell phone had slipped from my pocket .......falling to rest under the blanket the cats would soon curl up to sleep on.
It was on vibrate.
Somebody called.
My cats do not sleep on the couch any longer.
I used the same method to keep one of them from sleeping on my pillow.
*Never exit or enter through a door that has not been opened specifically for you.
*Never let a human go to the bathroom un-attended.
*Never allow any type of paper product to remain in your presence longer than 2 seconds without
sitting on it.
*Never confront the vacuum cleaner.
*Never ignore the can opener.
*Never wait longer than 3 hours to wake up your sleeping human.
*Never allow your human to leave the house without taking a part of you along (some loose hairs strategically placed on their clothing will do the trick).
*Never sleep out of the way.
Just to name a very, very few. But the most important rule known to all cats around the world is this:
*Never forget that everything belongs to you*
(a.k.a. the feline "It's Mine" disease)
In a cats world, they hold the exclusive rights to anything and everything they see fit....period.
No room for interpretation, no margin of error, no chance of negotiation....
If they want it....they shall have it. End of discussion.
It is this particular trait ...found in the genetic makeup of all felines.....that over 93% of owners worldwide claim to be the number one cause of friction in the household. Studies conducted to determine if this trait can be "unlearned" through behavior modification early in kittenhood, have all been unsuccessful. Scientists have been working diligently for years trying to isolate the gene responsible for this behavior, but the probability of their success within the next 20 years is unlikely. A number of vaccinations have been attempted and 12 step programs have sprouted up throughout the nation, yet the problem still remains.
I am here to announce that I.....yes I.....have found a cure to this common feline frustration.
In just minutes, using items currently in your home.....you can reclaim property seized by your cats.
No special training is required, children as young as 5 can successfully administer the cure (with adult supervision), and the risk to the patient is minimal. With a proven 98% success rate, I guarantee that if you try my method, you will not be disappointed. If you are interested in finding out more about this revolutionary discovery....please read on.....
How I Reclaimed My Couch...
My cure for feline "It's Mine" disease was discovered quite by accident.
It was a typical evening....my small herd of "It's Mine" infested felines had just completed their nightly ritual of forcing me off of my couch in order for them to take their after dinner nap ( I feel it necessary to point out that this would be the couch that sits unoccupied all day and only becoming "nap worthy" when I want to sit on it). So, I retreat to my usual place of refuge....the computer.
After a frenzy of face cleaning, a bit of rough housing, and some adjustments for comfort....the cats are soon fast asleep upon their favorite fuzzy blanket on my otherwise neglected couch. They tend to sleep lengthwise, a tactic designed to utilize as much space as possible so as not to be disrupted by anyone attempting to sit down. And so the evening goes...I in my not-so-comfortable desk chair.....and the felines sleeping peacefully in a warm purring pile on the couch.
And so it went, until about 2 hours later when all of the sudden I am startled by the sight of all five cats literally flying off of the couch. Seriously, they literally flew from the couch, in a cloud of hissing, puffed-up, freaked out feline frenzy. When they had landed on the other side of the room, they glared at each other in a strangely accusatory manner...all the while posturing as if ready serious battle.
Once I had recovered from the initial evacuation (which scared the ****crap out of me)....I found myself intrigued by what could have caused such an immediate, simultaneous reaction in all of the cats. As I watched them, still wary of each other, still puffed up and posturing, and very, very jumpy....I became aware of an unusual sound coming from the couch where they had been napping just moments before. It took a moment for it to register, but I realized what was causing the sound and was soon laughing hysterically at what had just occurred.
Apparently, as I was being evicted from my seat on the couch earlier in the evening, my cell phone had slipped from my pocket .......falling to rest under the blanket the cats would soon curl up to sleep on.
It was on vibrate.
Somebody called.
My cats do not sleep on the couch any longer.
I used the same method to keep one of them from sleeping on my pillow.
posted by lucyfur at 12:41 PM
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