Cataholic Tonic

Wiped Out.....

2005-09-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

Poor little devil...Chuppy's had quite the week of unfortunate events...
and they have left the little guy completely wiped out. A quick recap of what he has endured.....
Monday......stroll through pumpkin patch results in bee sting on nose. Nose swells
to 3 times normal size, has difficulty breathing, scares me to death.
After dose of Benadryl, breathing returns to normal.....the nose is not
so lucky....
Tuesday....scheduled to visit the vet for shots and the ole "snip snip". Just before
departing, climbs the tree, sits in sap....and meets the vet with a swollen
nose and a sappy ass.
Wednesday....did NOT like the vet. Nose still swollen...
Thursday....infection starting where stinger remains in nose. Meets "tweezers" for
the first time.
Friday.........cut paw pad on unidentified object.....has developed slight limp and tends to
veer to the left.
(returning to vet Monday for booster shots, nose job, and paw pad repair....assuming of course, that I can get him back into the cat carrier...)

Nap

2005-09-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

Definitions.....

2005-09-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

Purranoia.........The fear that your cat is up to something.
Purrfume...........The scent of an open can of tuna.
Human................An automatic door opener for cats.
Purrgatory...........A houseful of kittens.
Door...................Something a cat always wants to be on the otherside of.

Currently Reading....

2005-09-05T22:45:00.000-07:00

Please Help.....

2005-09-04T21:47:00.000-07:00

Please help the animal victims of Hurricane Katrina.....
Noah's Wish is a one of a kind organization dedicated to helping the animal victims of natural disasters.......already they are rescuing pets and wildlife left in Katrina's wake.....
and they need our help. Please visit their website at http://www.noahs-wish.org/ and donate whatever you can to help them in this monumental undertaking......they are true angels for the animals........

Aye Aye Captain.....

2005-09-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

Quick Quirks.....

2005-08-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

Things my weirdo cats do.....
*Lucie......will attempt to kill (or at the very least, maim) anyone using scotch tape in her presence.
*Chuppy....plays "fetch" with rocks (not pebbles...rocks, pretty good sized ones at that)
* Ezzie.....takes all of the pots and pans out of the cupboards if you piss him off.
*Monkey.....sits on the washing machine and wails when his "blankie" is in the wash (he moves to the dryer when it's drying).

Monkey........

2005-08-29T23:23:00.000-07:00

Isn't he Gorgeous.....

At Attention........

2005-08-27T12:52:00.000-07:00

Signs Your Cat May Be Trying To Kill You.....

2005-08-26T18:52:00.000-07:00

Signs your cat may be trying to kill you.....

* Seems awfully chummy with the dog all of the sudden.
* He actually does have your tongue.
* Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
* As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
* Droppings in the litter box spell out "REDRUM".
* Takes attentive notes whenever "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
* Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
* Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
* Now sharpens claws on your brakelines.

Do You Mind????

2005-08-25T00:33:00.000-07:00

Comfy?

2005-08-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

Sticker Patrol.....

2005-08-18T22:10:00.000-07:00

Peapod (who is going by the name of "Chuppy" this week...no idea why) is the littlest one of my furlines and the only one cursed with long, fluffy, fur. Now don't get me wrong....the fluffiness is adorable and all, but for a kitten living in the country.....it is not exactly user friendly. Everytime the poor little guy goes outside, he winds up with 90% of the yard stuck to his butt. I swear he comes in with entire tree branches stuck to the underside of his tail. Then there are the leaves of those really sticky weeds that he ends up wearing like a diaper...very attractive.
I feel so sorry for him.....it has to be ridiculously uncomfortable....and I'm sure he wonders why the other (short hair) cats do not suffer the same condition. I spend quite a lot of time on sticker patrol nowadays....
high maintenance little devil.

(sticker pickin' the tail...none to happily....)

Disturbing Myself....

2005-08-06T21:57:00.000-07:00

Okay...I have just completed my first week as a non-smoker. Yep, I quit. Yeah Me.
Woo Hoo.
I'm a real treat to be around let me tell ya. Just a tad bit edgy, really.
Don't be afraid.
I won't bite...maybe.
Just got to love these damn nicotine patches though. I am starting to wonder if they are more addictive/harmful than the cigs were. They say you have very vivid dreams when using the patch....and by vivid I mean horribly-realistic-psyche-disturbing-Elm-Street-resident-type-nightmares.
Last nite I dreamt that I chopped off Lucie's tail with an ax.
Took three whacks.
I find this rather disturbing....I rather like Lucie's tail. It is not nearly as long as Monkey's, or as fluffy as Peapod's...but it is quite nice as far as tails go. And it has a wicked "thwack" when she gets pissed off.
I like the wicked thwack.
What an awful dream.
Very disturbing.
I think I'll stay up tonight.

Warning: May Cause Cavities.....

2005-08-03T17:31:00.000-07:00

Is this too sweet or what????

Signs that your Cat is too Fat......

2005-08-01T22:37:00.000-07:00

* Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.

*Confused guests always mistaking him for beanbag chair.

* Always lands on his spleen.

* Fifteen months gestation and still no kittens.

* No longer cleans himself unless coated in cheez whiz.

* Luxurious shiny black coat replaced with mint green polyester pantsuit.

* No longer safe to pick him up without a spotter.

* Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.

* He only catches the mice that get caught in his gravitational pull.

* Has more chins than lives.

Lip........Stick

2005-07-28T23:23:00.000-07:00

So last night, I'm sitting in my usual spot (at the computer) doing my usual thing (fartsing around) when the usual quiet is disturbed by a very unusual noise. It was somewhere between a whine and a wail, with a bit of whimper towards the end....and it kept getting louder and louder.
So I listened.
And I'm thinkin'.....
"Does'nt sound like a bird.
But we do have an awful lot of weird sounding birds around here.
Remember the freakin' peacock?
Maybe it's a bird.
It'd be a damn big bird tho.
Naw, can't be a bird.
A dog?
Could be a dog.
Yeah, like a dog could get within 10 feet of this place without the cats tearing down the door running for cover.
Besides...a dog would bark.
One would think anyway.
Ok, not a dog.....maybe one of the horses got hurt??
What does a horse sound like when it's hurt?"
........and then it hit me......
the noise had a strangely familiar sound to it...but I couldn't quite put my finger on it...so I had to get my lazy ass up and go investigate.
So I go open the front door and what do I find???
My cat Monkey sitting on the doorstep with a 6 inch lizard stuck to his lip. Just dangling there.
Ouch.
Damn thing wouldn't let go either, I had to pry it's little jaws open....which was an interesting task.
The lizard was no worse for the wear, though clearly not fond of being used as a cat toy.....
Monkey's lip is a bit tender...I'm thinkin' he won't be playing with any reptiles for awhile.

Bath......

2005-07-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

Indications That Cats are the Evolutionary Descendants of Dragons......

2005-07-27T19:07:00.000-07:00

1. Ability to invoke fear with minor changes of facial expression.
2. Really wicked breath.
3. Enjoys toying with mortals.
4. They are constantly offered gifts in order to appease their wrath.
5. They have the ability to gain total control over the humans in their territory.
6. Claws that can decimate the toughest armor (or upholstery).
7. Affinity for high perches from which it can survey all that it controls.
8. The size of its ego is consistent with that of its evolutionary forebearers.
9. Habit of playing with food.
10. Ability to monitor its territory while seemingly asleep.

Baby Blues.....

2005-07-26T13:48:00.000-07:00

Look at those baby blues!!
"Loki and Caliope"

Little Licker......

2005-07-24T19:55:00.000-07:00

Little Licker Leo.....

Camouflage.....

2005-07-24T00:19:00.000-07:00

Cat Resolutions......

2005-07-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

1. I will not flush the toilet when my human is in the shower.
2. As fast as I am, I must remember that I cannot outrun closed doors.
3. I will not lean over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then run screaming into the box of clumping cat litter.
4. I will not back up and fall off of the porch just as my human is telling her friend how graceful I am.
5. I will not bite my human on the butt when she is sitting on the big white drinking bowl.
6. I will not complain that my butt is wet and that I am thirsy after sitting in my water dish.
7. I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I shall not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
8. When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
9. I will not swat at my human's head repeatedly when she is in the living room trying to do sit ups.
10. I will not eat spider plants and hallucinate behind the toilet.
11. I will not drag the magnets off of the refrigerator and then bat them underneath it so they adhere to the underside.
12. I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe my butt.
13. I will no longer attempt to read my human's book or newspaper by sitting my butt down on it. I will no never grow eyes there no matter how hard I try.
14. If I sit in the sink when my human brushes her teeth, I will not get angry when she spits toothpaste on me.
15. If I MUST claw my human. I will not do it in such a way that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.

Guess Who........

2005-07-22T22:15:00.000-07:00

Mama Lucie......

2005-07-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

Leo

2005-07-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

Snuzzle.....

2005-07-21T23:51:00.000-07:00

"Snuzzle"....A snooze and a snuggle......

Things Cats Must Try to Remember.....

2005-07-21T16:27:00.000-07:00

THINGS CATS MUST TRY TO REMEMBER.....

1. Screaming at the can of tuna will not make it open itself.

2. I should not assume that the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

3. If I put a live mouse in my food dish, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

4. The guinea pig likes to sleep once in awhile....I will not watch it constantly.

5. If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

6. Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

7. The canned food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting it all over the kitchen floor.

8. I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

9. I will never be able to walk on the ceiling and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any
closer.

10. The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in it's bowl.

11. If my human wants to share her sandwich with me she will give me a piece. She will notice if I
start eating it from the other end.

12. The large dog in the backyard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out everytime I see it.

Foliage Faux Paux.......

2005-07-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

Once again, here is more proof that I am destined to walk forever hand in hand with rotten luck......
(a fact that I have long since become accustomed to, but still find quite bothersome)
As some of you may be aware of, I just recently moved with my cache of cats, from a suburban apartment complex to a cute little house in the country (10 acres....about as country as it gets round here). This has provided a plethera of new and unusual ways for the kitties to amuse, terrify, gross out, piss off, and freak me out....a fact they dilligently remind me of on a daily basis. I have learned quite a bit this past month via their adventures....i.e.
Dawn gets oil off of kitten
Jif gets sap off of Monkey
Kitten does not like bath
Monkey can shred a rodent into 400 million pieces
Tiny frogs will hop in the house when it rains
Peacocks make an awful noise
The list goes on and on............
I have also learned a few things from the things I learned from their adventures....(did ya follow that??)
For example...Monkey's little tree sap mishap inspired me to do a bit of research on the types of plants that are toxic to cats. There are plenty of them, let me tell ya. Christmas is quite the hazardous holiday for the feline as poinsettias, mistletoe, and the tree itself can be toxic to them.....how festive.
I also discovered that two of the most toxic flowering plants...the Asian Lily and the Day Lily...
I recently planted in my front yard.
Woo Hoo yeah me.

Pinned......

2005-07-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

Caption Me.....

2005-07-18T20:28:00.000-07:00

Caption Me.....

2005-07-16T22:19:00.000-07:00

Monkey's Midnight Munchies Mess.....

2005-07-16T21:59:00.000-07:00

Such a beautiful morning we had today....the sun was rising, the birds were chirping (and squawking and crowing and cocka-doodle-doing), a lone jack rabbit was snacking on the lawn, the hot air balloons were launching from the field next door.....the perfect morning to sit on the porch with a cup of coffee and watch the kitties chase one another up every tree, over every fence, and through every sticker bush ...(so I can spend an hour brushing them later on). Yes, a gorgeous morning.....till I opened the door.
Bleeechhhh......
Ewwwww....
YUCK!!!
There on the doormat lay what was left of Monkey's midnight snack(s).....I nearly stepped in it (them).
And there sat Monkey proud as a peacock for having been so thoughful as to present such treasures to me.
Lucky me.
I can't be sure, but I think he caught between 3-5 field rodents, (could be mice, could be moles, could be shrew...anybody's guess) tore them into teensy tiny pieces, and then smeared them all over the porch.
Yummy.
Quite artistic, very difficult to clean.
I went through an entire roll of paper towels.
Oh, and the Dawn worked great on the stained pavement. It's Dawn to the rescue again!! Yeah Dawn!
So...the morning's beauty was tainted a bit....compliments of Monkey.....
but it was still a gorgeous day.....

Wanted: Cute, Clever Captions for my Cute, Crazy Cats....

2005-07-15T17:31:00.000-07:00

Okay all of you wonderfully creative people....I need your help. I am finally attempting to put all of my kitty pictures in some sort of order and there are a number of them that need a cute, clever caption.....I myself, seem to have reached the limit of my captioning abilities....."caption-closed" if you will.....I draw a complete blank every attempt I make. Sad, but true.
I admit it, I need help.
So, if you are still in possession of your creativity, feel free to add a caption.....
or two, or three, or four....

Here is the first picture....Peapod takin' a snooze......

"HI"

2005-07-15T12:54:00.000-07:00

The Vacuum Instinct.....

2005-07-15T10:27:00.000-07:00

Riddle me this Batman....
WHAT is it with cats and the frickin' vacuum cleaner??? Exactly when in their genetic history did the instinctive fear of Hoovers appear?? Did it stem from a single incident in one cat's history, or is it a collaboration of numerous traumatic Feline/Hoover encounters?
I know for a fact that none of my cats have ever been victimized by the vacuum cleaner...they have never been run over by it, it has never chased any of them through the house, it doesn't steal their food, bark, or get more attention then they do....so why is it that they all panic whenever I take it out of the closet?? They cause themselves more damage trying to get away from the damn thing than if it actually did run them over. Just opening the closet door can cause a near riot....
One could assume that this behavior is due to the fact that the vacuum cleaner is so incredibly loud...however, my electric can opener is, at times...equally as loud and they will come from miles away to flock around it.
One could assume that it is the combination of the noise and the movement of the vacuum cleaner that causes their reaction....but the fan in the living room moves even faster and is nowhere near quiet yet they have no problems lounging around in front of it all flippin' day.
One could assume that it is the combination of the noise, movement, and the size of the vacuum cleaner that freaks them out so much.....however, I am bigger than the Hoover, am always on the move, and have the tendency to be quite loud....yet they are constantly swarming at my feet so WHAT GIVES??
I am finding it increasingly difficult to accomplish this household chore without causing undue stress on my felines....it has turned into an all day project as I patiently wait for the cats to move from room to room so as not to disturb them with the evil vacuum cleaner. I even bought a little dirt devil type thingy in hopes that it would be less frightening to them.....nope. No luck there.
I give up.
My next house will have hardwood floors...I can tell you that.

This one kills me.....

2005-07-13T22:34:00.000-07:00

This would be Leo...no, Peapod....
or Leo....
no, definitely Peapod......
I think.

Deja Vu.....

2005-07-13T15:05:00.000-07:00

This is Peapod.....or is it Leo??
Talk about deja vu.....

Yawn...A Tribute to the Weary and the Unimpressed

2005-07-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

I just love a good cat yawn....especially the way the whiskers pull forward ever so slightly in anticipation of the event...my sign to get the camera. Did you know that cats view yawns as a sign that you mean them no harm?? You know....
Butt Sniff = Handshake/ "Hi how ya doin"?"/ "Don't I know you?"/ Greeting.

Yawn = No worries/ Not gonna hurt you/ It's all good.......

Try it sometime, it works wonders on freaked out kittens....calms them right down.
Yawns are also contagious and can be hypnotic under the right circumstances.....if used properly, they can put even the most unruly little feline into a deep slumber.
This is my favorite of all the yawnage I have managed to capture on film.
This is my Leo....my sweet baby that I lost a few months back.....my little love that I miss so terribly.

Monkey.....

2005-07-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

Monkey's Choose Jif.....

2005-07-10T23:20:00.000-07:00

The "outside" has scored yet another victory against my cats...
First it was Peapod vs. Mr. Penzoil....a battle over before it had even begun....and
tonight we were witness to the match between Monkey and "Sir Sap."

With his super long legs and sleek muscular build, Monkey was the crowd favorite...the odds were super-stacked in his favor. Victory was within his grasp.
Early on is appeared as if Monkey would indeed, be declared the champ, but late in the fourth round "Sir Sap" threw an illegal punch (jerk) landing right between the front legs. The blow itself had little affect on our little champ, it was his attempt at removing the substance left by the blow that did him in.
"Sir Sap" is famous for the pungent sticky stuff he deposits on his opponents with each blow.
While uncomfortable to all, this substance is particularly hazardous to those of the fur persuasion, as they are compelled to remove it with their tongues.....a potential toxic disaster.
One lick of the stinky, sticky, crap stuck to his fur and that was it for Mr. Monkey.....he was down for the count.
"Sir Sap" was declared the winner and I rushed to aid our poor defeated champion....great, how the hell do you get sap out of cat fur???
Dawn perhaps???
Nope.....peanut butter.
Ever put peanut butter on your cat? Fun, let me tell ya....oodles of shits and giggles.
Then I got to "comb" the peanut buttery sap off of him as Peapod was trying desperately to get a taste.
Turns out both him and Monkey prefer Jif to Skippy ......not exactly sure how to interpret that but, it's got to mean something.

So, the score stands at:

My Cats: 0

"Outside": 2

I just hope it will be awhile before the next match.......

Feline Funnies......

2005-07-10T00:30:00.000-07:00

POLITICALLY CORRECT TERMS FOR CAT OWNERS:

My cat does not break things.....she helps gravity do its job.

My cat is not a "shedding-machine".....he is a hair relocation artist.

My cat is not a bed hog......he is a mattress appreciator.

My cat is not a pest......he thinks he is attentive deprived.

My cat is not a ruthless hunter............he is a wildlife control expert.

My cat is not evil.......he is badness enhanced.

My cat is not a hydrophobic......he has an inability to appreciate moisture.

My cat is not lazy......he is motivationally challenged.

Shock the Monkey.....

2005-07-09T14:42:00.000-07:00

Monkey caught his first bird today. I'm not quite sure who was more shocked by this accomplishment...me, Monkey, or the stupid bird. He just kinda sat there with the bird in his mouth a bit confused and completely clueless as to what to do with it. He tried to play with it like he does with his little mice and lizard friends, but all that got him was a mouthful of feathers that he could not spit out. I think he was disappointed that it would be an active participant in his games, and he didn't seem to pleased about the whole feather thing.
Hopefully he will stick to rodents and lizards from now on.....or he'll have to wear a stupid bell....
silly cat.

That Damn Curiousity.....

2005-07-08T19:09:00.000-07:00

So, there I am....at the computer typing away as usual, when I am rudely interrupted by the pathetic Lucie whine that I love so much. I choose to ignore her insistent "Merow..Merow..MerOWW" in hopes that she will either wander off or fall asleep, (or wander off TO fall asleep) as I am in no mood for a "Lucie Lovefest" this early in the morning. It soon becomes clear, however, that there will be no end to the incessive crying until some attention to her has been paid.
So, finally I give in and spin my chair around to confront the little nag.....and am instantly thrown into hysterical fits of laughter. Apparently, Lucie had once again let her curiousity get the best of her....an event which tends to result in her snooping around out in the barns. This time she must have found a previously undiscovered hiding place in need of a thorough snoop through because she had the biggest cobweb I have ever seen wrapped entirely around her head and dangling from one ear.
It was absolutely hysterical.
It looked she had on some sort of gothic veil.
With a big earring.
I simply had to get a picture of her before I cleaned her up......

Peapod

2005-07-08T00:37:00.000-07:00

Peapod (pre-penzoil)

Oil and Water and kittens (don't mix)

2005-07-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

Ok. Not a fun day.

Little Mr. Have-no-fear Peapod had an encounter with Mr. Penzoil somewhere during his morning romp with Monkey, and came home dripping with sticky black oil. This was a first for me. I have dealt with my share of curious cat catastrophes, but never had the pleasure of this fabulous toxic mess. First, I take a quick mental inventory of what I know...

1. He is an absolute mess.

2. He cannot go in the house in such condition....at least not without an escort.

3. He cannot be allowed to self-clean affected body parts.

4. I am going to have to give him a bath.

5. That means water.

6. I am going to need some band-aids.

That leaves me the unanswered questions.....

1. Where the hell did he get into oil?

2. How did Monkey the clutz manage to avoid this fate?

3. What the heck gets oil out of fur?

4. Do I have any band-aids?

So here I am at 9:00 in the morning, trying to keep this greasy little kitten off of the carpets as I google the best oil off fur cleaner.....a task which takes nearly 40 minutes due to the number of times I had to get up and

put his tongue back in his mouth. And the verdict??

Dawn.

Dawn dish soap....

I race to the kitchen and.....I have palmolive.

Damn.

I race next door to my sister's and......

Palmolive.

Damn!!

Palmolive it is going to have to be.....or not.

Though I managed to get the kitten's feet into the sudsy water before he nearly took off my arm, the Palmolive was no match for Mr. Penzoil. Hardly even put up a fight. Wimp.

Time to regroup....I now have a wet, pissed off, greasy, soapy kitten....three other cats looking at me in shock, fear, and disbelief.....seven rather nasty scratches on my arms (one of which will more than likely leave a scar), no more band-aids, a wet kitchen, 30-40 wet towels....and no Dawn.

To Wally World I go.

I secure the dawn, return to the still greasy but finally asleep kitten and......let him sleep.

Didn't have the heart to wake him.

He wakes up 1/2 hour later and it's time to put the dawn to the test.

And what did I learn from this little pop quiz?

Peapod does NOT like water.....not even a little bit.

Peapod can scream Very loud.

Peapod can get all 18 of his claws into one of my arms at the same time.

I should have bought band-aids.

1/2 of a cup of coffee is a lot of liquid when flung onto a wall.

The kitchen floor is VERY slippery when wet.

BUT

Amazingly enough, the .5 seconds that I managed to hold him in the sudsy water was enough for the Dawn to get over half the oil off of him.

Dawn is my hero.

This stuff is awesome.

I will never wash another cat (or dish) in anything else.

Yeah Dawn!!!

So.....Peapod is still a bit slick in spots, but I'm sure he will be fine.

I suspect he won't be sniffing around any oil pans anytime soon.

But I still have to find where Mr. Penzoil is residing.....the jerk.

The Culprit...

2005-07-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

It Wasn't Me!!!

Monkey Smuggle.....

2005-07-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

Monkey the turd managed to smuggle a mouse into the house at the butt crack of dawn....again.

Drops the poor thing in the middle of the living room and the chase begins. Needless to say, the commotion caught the attention of the other cats and soon there were four of them lumbering about trying to catch this rather elusive rodent. I ended up having to move the furniture to get it out of it's hiding spot, and then I also joined in the chase. With a little help from Peapod, I managed to get the thing by the tail and return it safely to the field....but not before the near destruction of the house. It's quite remarkable how much of a mess one little mouse can inspire. I should invent a "mouse detector" and install in the doorway.....one that would release a dog to chase the cat trying to bring in the mouse to chase in the house.

Oh, that was bad....

2005-07-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

Salty

Basket Babies

2005-07-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

Basket Babies

Howdy!

2005-07-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

Howdy!

Kitty Contraband.....

2005-07-04T17:04:00.000-07:00

I have had to implement a strict "frisking" policy for all felines returning from outdoor adventures.
This is due to a severe increase in the number of prohibited items being smuggled in from the yard.
Items considered to be contraband include:
frogs (and/or toads)
moles
mice
shrews
rats
gophers
lizards
any body part, whole or partial of above listed (innards included)
dirt clods
rocks
weeds
leaves
This policy was put into effect after having been woken up AGAIN at 3 am by Monkey and Peapod playing hockey with a mouse in the kitchen...and by the discovery later that same day....of the lizard Monkey lost four days prior. It was perched on the head of one of my teddy bears and nearly gave me a heart attack.
But, at least it still had it's tail.

Stuck

2005-07-03T22:48:00.000-07:00

Stuck.

Did You See That??

2005-07-03T18:42:00.000-07:00

Help!!

Kountry Kitties.....

2005-07-02T22:56:00.000-07:00

My recent move to the "country" with my apartment dwelling, city slicker cats is providing me with a variety of unusual challenges and a plethera of comical treasures. I never tire of watching my barnyard challenged felines explore the great outdoors....leaping through the fields, running up the trees, basking in the sun, sniffin' flowers....such charming kitty activities. I am constantly amused by their antics...like when Monkey spends hours stalking a bird only to give his position away by the butt wiggle before the pounce, or the "Ballet" he performs when a butterfly flutters within range. Then there is Peapod and his visible annoyance when the air outside is "pushy", and Lucie's endless attempts to get across the yard without setting a single paw on the grass.
And of course there are the "firsts". The first time they saw the horses next door was hysterical, as was their first encounter with a jackrabbit. The first night it rained, hundreds of teeny tiny frogs appeared out of nowhere and provided hours of entertainment, and the pig...the first time they saw the pig was priceless. They still cannot figure out what the heck rain is, or how to get away from it....they apparently think planes, flocks of ducks, and the occassional cloud are going to fall from the sky and land on their heads by the way they run for cover whenever one appears, and all of them remained convinced that the garden hose is a snake....a snake that occassionally spits.
I'm telling ya, the amusement never ends.
Take for example, the other morning.....as usual, I headed out to the front porch (followed by a long line of felines) to drink my coffee and watch the kitties play. As I set my coffee on the table, I notice that all four cats have made an abrupt stop on the doorstep...and with eyes pert near popping out of their heads, they sit.... staring intently at something behind me. So, I turn around, expecting to see a big cloud, a flock of birds, or perhaps a low flying plane...the usual things in the sky that freak them out....but one of the usual suspects in was not. I too found myself suffering from "pert near eye popped out syndrome" (to the delight of the cats I'm sure) when I saw what hovered above.
It was a big, beautiful hot air balloon taking off from the field next door.....and it took up the whole sky. After the initial shock, I was mesmerized by the beauty of it...it was so close it felt like you could just reach out and touch it. The cats on the other hand, took a bit longer to relax....eventually they ventured off of the doorstep and out into the yard, but they kept a real close eye on the balloon....making sure it kept its distance. Peapod, the baby.....even tried to chase it....cute little shit that he is. Now in the morning when I open the door, all the cats do a quick check of the sky before they step out into the day........just in case.

Bad Hair Day

2005-07-02T04:57:00.000-07:00

Bad Hair Day.....

Little Pooter

2005-07-02T04:56:00.000-07:00

Little Pooter....

Hassie's New Perch

2005-07-02T04:54:00.000-07:00

Hassie's New Perch.....

Pee-Pod

2005-07-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

Warning
...the following subject matter may be not be suitable for those having just returned from lunch....

Peapod (my 3 month old fuzzy-butt kitten) had a rather disgustingly amusing "accident" the other day....
Like all cats, he was born with the instinctive knowledge that humans should never be allowed to go to the bathroom unless accompanied by at least one cat....so, when he happened upon an unsupervised potty break and realized all of the big cats were outside, he felt it his duty to join me. With brave determination, and a look of naive curiousity, he rushed in, parked himself in the middle of the floor..... and stared.
And stared.....and stared.....and stared.
For the inexperienced cat owner, this can be an uncomfortable if not traumatic ritual.....but my years of exposure have enabled me to ignore their bothersome presence....a sort of "natural immunity" if you will.
So, paying little attention, I went about my business, stood up to flush the toilet.......and before I knew it,
little Peapod had jumped right in. Swoosh. Kerplunk. Didn't even touch the rim. A perfect shot.
Yuck.
And boy, the look he gave me.
Gross?? yeah, but he rinsed off easily enough and it was funny as hell.

The Girls....

2005-06-30T21:14:00.000-07:00

Loki and Caliope....

Caliope.....

2005-06-30T21:05:00.000-07:00

Caliope...the sweetest one of all.
Such a petite little dew-drop.

Loki...

2005-06-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

Loki...the trickster. What a little devil this one is.....

The Girls.....

2005-06-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

Loki and Caliope.....
Are they beyond cute or what??

Peapod.....

2005-06-30T20:15:00.000-07:00

Peapod (aka "Chubby")...
This little guy reminds me so much of Leo it's spooky....
he is the spunkiest little shit, completely fearless, cute as crap,
and I have fallen hopelessly in love with him....dammit.

Beluga....

2005-06-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

Beluga....the whale. He was born big and just got bigger and bigger and bigger....
Beautiful kitten with a super sweet personality....

Hassie.....

2005-06-30T16:23:00.000-07:00

Hassie....name given due to the fact that combing out his fur a bazillion times a day was such a hassle.
Cute little shit.....not bright, but cute. Spent a lot of time walking into things and falling down.

The New Toy Box.....

2005-06-30T12:26:00.000-07:00

Caliope....

2005-06-30T12:23:00.000-07:00

Peapod in a Box.....

2005-06-30T12:21:00.000-07:00

Caliope in a Box....

2005-06-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

Loki in a Box...

A Ball, Some Yarn, A Piece of String.....

2005-06-29T01:01:00.000-07:00

What is your Favorite Plaything....

Living in a tiny apartment with 4 cats and 5 kittens during the rainy season is quite a challenge....they get bored, they get fussy, they blame you for the nasty weather and treat you accordingly. In order to maintain your sanity in this situation, it is imperative that you come up with interesting ways to entertain them .....not always an easy task. When the usual toys no longer pacify them, you must rely on skill and ingenuity in order to survive.....( or for them to survive). Having been in this situation more often than I care to recall, I have amassed an unusual assortment of "toys" to keep my cooped up kitties content. So, if you have a cat suffering from severe boredom and you find yourself tinkering on the edge of insanity....feel free to test some of these out. And, if there is anyone out there who has found any other methods of calming the cooped up cat.....I would be delighted to hear them.....(the rainy season is quickly approaching again!)

Bubbles.....
Bubbles are great....they even have catnip scented ones.....but I don't think they can tell the difference.
I enlist the aid of a table fan when using bubbles....blow them in front of the fan and the fan blows them all over the house. Works great on the kittens....the older ones are less amused.

The Dangly's
Last winter, my house was full of giant dangly's....elastic string hung from the ceiling with some feathers or a toy tied at the bottom. The stretchy string makes for some serious "snapping" action which can be rather comical (risk of "snap back" injuries can be substantial in younger cats).

Table Tents
Large blanket tossed over coffee table.....table tent.

Balloons
Blow 'em up....then let 'em go. Once the cats get over the initial shock....it's funny to watch them try to figure out what the hell they are.

B.O.T.'s
(Battery Operated Toys)
Anything that moves or makes noise. Those little mini remote control cars are great....but my personal favorite is a huge battery operated wooly mammoth (weird, I know) that walks, brings it's trunk up, and moos. Yappy dogs are good for a laugh as well.

Space Shooters
You know, the toys guns that shoot the foam discs.....cats love them but they are a bit high maintenance as you have to gather up all the discs and reload....they are also easily eaten by teething kittens.

Laser Light
This should already be a staple in any cat's home.

Tunnels
You can get those ridiculously over-priced tunnels at the pet store.....I got mine at a toy store for 1/3 the cost....and then you can crawl in with them.

The Vaccuum
Used as a last resort.....I just park it in the middle of the room and watch the cats avoid it like the plague.

Nature
Crickets are the best.....they hop, they don't bite, they are not too easy to catch, and they can last for days.

The Bathtub
Toss a couple of balls in the tub.....hours of entertainment (danger to shower curtain = high)

They Maybe Trying to Tell Me Something....

2005-06-28T22:38:00.000-07:00

Is there a hidden message to be found in these sleepy poses???
Is it mere coincidence or are they really trying to form letters of the alphabet...
You be the judge.....

Leo Sleepy Poses.....

2005-06-28T22:26:00.000-07:00

Leo's Sleepy Poses

2005-06-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

Sleepy Poses

2005-06-28T18:27:00.000-07:00

Leo Sandwich

Okay....I have been aware that I have some super strange cats for quite sometime and I am comfortable with that....I myself am not of the norm, so the quirkiness of my kitties should come as no surprise. I have gotten used to the strange "toys" they drag in from outside, am aware of their individual phobias, know all of their "itchy" spots, favorite foods, etc. etc....nothing they do surprises me much anymore....except the sleepy poses. They never cease to amaze me with their sleepy poses.
Leo was by far, the best at inventing new and unusual nap positions/locations, he would crack me up at least once a day. Kittens are also great at sleepy poses.....and Lord knows I have had plenty of them to giggle at.

Sleepy Leo

2005-06-28T16:50:00.000-07:00

Sleepy Leo

2005-06-28T16:49:00.000-07:00

Sleepy Leo

Giggles.....

2005-06-28T09:28:00.000-07:00

What looks like half of a cat?????
The other half.

Hee hee hee....I know....baaaaad joke.
How about some of the more humorous photos of my wacky furlines???
Enjoy!

Monkey Peek-a-Boo

2005-06-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

Monkey.....

Leo.....

2005-06-28T09:22:00.000-07:00

Leo....

Grrrrr......(Lucie)

2005-06-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

Grrrrrr......

Ezzie's New Hat

2005-06-27T22:04:00.000-07:00

Ezzie's New Hat

Feline Funnies.....

2005-06-27T12:21:00.000-07:00

A few of my personal favorite feline funnies.....from here, there...just about anywhere......

Little Known Feline Ailments:

Feline Intermittent Trance Syndrome:

Intent staring into space or at mundane objects for a substantial length of time.
Symptoms may last from several seconds to several minutes, and in severe cases...many hours.
The world record was set by a Siamese who unblinkingly studied the pattern in a Turkish rug for 3 hours 53 minutes....breaking a long standing record set by a Persian Cross who stared at an exterior brick wall for 3 hours 42 minutes (the presence of ants on the wall led some experts to question the validity of this record).
A reported time of 3 hours 49 minutes by a domestic shorthair was disqualified when the cat was found to have fallen asleep.

"Happy Coat"
(also "Happy Tongue")

A condition most often noted in sleek furred cats.
The cat proceeds to fluff up its fur in pleasure....starting at the base of the tail and continuing forward towards the nose. In extreme cases, the cheeks and forehead also fluff up and the cat is said to have "Purred itself Fuzzy".

"Happy Tongue"

Happy Tongue is signified by a small part of the tongue protruding from the mouth until the cat remembers to tuck it away again.

Seasonally Affective "Door into Summer Syndrome"

This condition was first described by Klaus Strynum in his book of the same name. It manifests at times of inclement weather causing a distinct behavior pattern in the afflicted feline. Once infected, the cat wanders around the house demanding that each external door it comes be immediately opened. On discovering that the weather there is just as nasty and cold as the weather outside the last door inspected, it resumes its frantic search for "The Door into Summer".
The cat remains convinced that one of the doors....on the umpteenth time of opening....will have a beautiful summers day on the other side of it. This affliction is more prevalent in younger cats of an active disposition and is frequently contagious in multi-cat environments.

"Greeblingz"

Greeblingz are believed to be non visible entities that many authorities have linked to UFO sightings feeling that they may be diminitive other-dimensional beings. Cats suffering from the effects of Greeblingz typically have wild-eyed expressions and may appear to be under the influence of a particularly potent batch of catnip. The cat dashes madly throughout the house in pursuit of unseen prey with little or no thought given to obstacles in it's path.....lamps, keepsakes, wall hangings and curtains have been found to be the most common victims, although everything in the household is at risk.
A very few cats are naturally immune to Greeblinz attacks....noone knows why.
In some areas of the world, this condition is also known as "The Flaming Kahooties".

"Fuffling"

The cat lowers its nose into water and exhales.
This is followed by whiffling, sputtering, sneezing, snorting, head shaking and a general expression of utter confusion.
Bath bubbles have been known to trigger attacks of fuffling in some cats, as well as soap suds left in the kitchen sink. There is also the belief that attacks of fuffling are linked to interesting items observed in the water (eg goldfish, food crumbs, greeblingz....).
Fuffling is most commonly observed in early kittenhood, but older cats have been known to suffer an occassional bout.

"Snudging"

The affected cat repeatedly head-butts any available part of its human and turns its head slightly so that the lips and cheek are rubbed against arms, legs, hands, clothing etc....
This condition gets its name from a contraction of the phrase "Soggy Nudging" and serious cases can result in a significant rise in the volume of laundry produced by the chosen human.

Feeding Frenzy

2005-06-27T12:09:00.000-07:00

Feeding Frenzy

Leo Trying to Nap

2005-06-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

Leo Trying to Nap

Minka and Fletcher

2005-06-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

Minka and Fletcher

Lucie and Turtle

2005-06-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

Lucie and Turtle

Turtle

2005-06-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

Turtle

2005-06-27T11:41:00.000-07:00

Turtle.....My fave of this litter. She has the cutest little mouth...the seetest little face. I called her Turtle because when she was teensy tiny, she was always stuck on her back. Little Turtle was the last one to be adopted....and I was very sad to see her go. She was always the polite one....never much trouble from her...though she did tend to escape now and again if a door was left open. The others were scared to death of outside, but she would run out there and start frantically licking the sidewalk. Go figure.
She went to live with Tim's neighbors up on the hill where she is a very happy country kitty.....

Salty

2005-06-27T10:44:00.000-07:00

Salty

2005-06-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

Salty....(aka "The Licker")
Talk about cute....Mr. fuzzy-butt was about as cute as it gets. A very tasty kitten Salty was.....he licked EVERYTHING but was rather fond of pants and chair legs. He also had potty issues in that the majority of the "potty" would end up sticking to his hiney (very attractive). Salty was adopted by Jodie.....and how that came about is a somewhat amusing story.....
I placed an ad on Craig's List for the kittens and was immediately swamped with e-mails from people all over the place wanting to adopt them. I responded to the few I felt appropriate and soon began exchanging messages with Jodie...who wanted to get a kitten to keep her older cat and her little dog company while at work. Like me, she had a ridiculous amount of nicknames for her babies....which to some may seem bizarre, but to me it is a sign of a true cataholic and I was thrilled that she wanted one of my little ones. So we began to set up a time for her to visit....the usual e-mail exchange..."Where do you live?"..."I am in Rohnert Park"...."Me too!!"..."I live off of Snyder Lane?"....."Me too!!!"......"I am in the Americana Apts."......
"No way...what apartment #??"
Turns out she lived four doors down from me.
Yep, it's a small world.

Minka

2005-06-27T10:16:00.000-07:00

Minka

2005-06-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

Minka was a gorgeous little furball....tons of super think fur and the bluest of eyes. She was very sweet, loved to curl up in your lap...but had a tendency to get herself stepped on. Always underfoot she was. She was adopted by a very nice girl from Santa Rosa who Ezzie, Monkey, and Leo pert near frightened away. When she came by to pick up Minka, she was a bit taken aback by the chaos created by my house full of cats....obviously not a seasoned cat person. My cats, of course, did everything in their power to completely embarrass me....beginning with Ezzie who stuck his entire head in her purse, followed by Monkey who curled up on the sweater she had laid on his chair and proceeded to glare at her as if to say "Go ahead, just try to take it back...I dare ya"....and then there was Leo....who simply had to out do the other two....he decided to jump up the inside of her skirt and play as it swayed about. Good God Leo....
Luckily, she still took Minka, despite the boys and their social faux paws....
I need to work on their people skills I think.

Fletcher.....

2005-06-26T15:34:00.000-07:00

Fletcher was the cutest little shit.....a bundle of energy that chewed on everything. Originally thought to be a boy...little Fletcher turned out to be a girl (oops again) which still amazes me because she was such a boyish kitten....and very photogenic this one.

Fletcher.....

2005-06-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

Fletcher

Trigger.....

2005-06-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

Trigger was the runt of this litter.....very cute but dumb as a box of rocks. Could not figure out how to use the litter box and would spend the entire day trying to distract itself from having to pee. This was by far the most annoying habit of any of the kittens because it required me to play "carpet cop" for extended periods of time. Needless to say, any kitten who practiced this habit was not at the top of my favorites list....and Trigger was the worst. I hate to admit it, but I honestly disliked this little shit so much it almost got sent to the pound (one more potty on my down comforter and that would have been it's sentence). I wasn't the only one who was not enamored with it however....the other kittens tended to ignore it and Monkey would look at it as if it were some sort of alien creature. My personal favorite incident happened one evening when I caught an amusing exchange between the two of them. Monkey was curled up in "His" chair watching the antics of the kittens below him with his usual expression of disgust when Trigger decided to climb up into the chair with him. Using the blanket Monkey sat upon as a ladder, little Trigger started climbing up....only to fall back down after just a couple of steps. This was repeated approx. 15 times before the stupid kitten finally decided to try climbing up from a different angle... an angle which enabled it to climb up to the seat of the chair, however, Monkey's big butt prevented it from actually getting on the seat. Now, Monkey was not about to move a single solitary inch to accommodate the stupid little shit, and he would just stare at it as it fell back to the floor.....over and over and over and over....... The kitten may have been stupid, but it sure was tenacious....it kept climbing up, trying to force its way onto the seat....and falling back to the floor as Monkey just sat there and watched. This in itself was quite entertaining, as the look on Monkey's face was priceless....but it got better when the stupid kitten finally managed to wriggle its way onto the seat (an accomplishment that took no less than 1/2 hour and approx. 25-30 attempts). As soon as the kitten sat triumphantly perched on it's fiercly fought for spot on the chair, Monkey stretched out one of his very long back legs and kicked it off. The kitten fell to the floor in defeat and I laughed my ass off for the remainder of the evening.

Lucie and Trigger

2005-06-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

Lucie and Trigger

Lucie's Second Litter (Leo's Babies)

2005-06-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

Lucie's second litter
Born: September 20, 2004
They are....Minka, Salty, Trigger, Fletcher, and Turtle.....
This is the litter that Leo decided he needed to take care of. He was the kitten "Nanny" and he spent more time cleaning and caring for the little shits than Lucie did. He rarely left the room that they were in and as they grew, they followed him around like five tiny little shadows. They absolutely adored Leo....all of them would curl up next to him (or on him if need be) to snooze and it was the cutest damn thing you could ever see. Of course, their affection for Leo was not without it's downside......the kittens had a tendency to frequently mistake Monkey for Leo (they look very much alike when you are that little)...a mistake that generally resulted in the perpetrator being flung across the room by a very miffed Monkey.

Leo "The Nanny" and his Charges....

2005-06-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

Leo "The Nanny"

The cure for feline "It's Mine" disease....

2005-06-23T12:41:00.001-07:00

Anyone who has ever had to share a living space with any number of felines, is quite familiar with the laws by which they govern themselves. For example:

*Never exit or enter through a door that has not been opened specifically for you.
*Never let a human go to the bathroom un-attended.
*Never allow any type of paper product to remain in your presence longer than 2 seconds without
sitting on it.
*Never confront the vacuum cleaner.
*Never ignore the can opener.
*Never wait longer than 3 hours to wake up your sleeping human.
*Never allow your human to leave the house without taking a part of you along (some loose hairs strategically placed on their clothing will do the trick).
*Never sleep out of the way.

Just to name a very, very few. But the most important rule known to all cats around the world is this:

*Never forget that everything belongs to you*

(a.k.a. the feline "It's Mine" disease)

In a cats world, they hold the exclusive rights to anything and everything they see fit....period.
No room for interpretation, no margin of error, no chance of negotiation....
If they want it....they shall have it. End of discussion.

It is this particular trait ...found in the genetic makeup of all felines.....that over 93% of owners worldwide claim to be the number one cause of friction in the household. Studies conducted to determine if this trait can be "unlearned" through behavior modification early in kittenhood, have all been unsuccessful. Scientists have been working diligently for years trying to isolate the gene responsible for this behavior, but the probability of their success within the next 20 years is unlikely. A number of vaccinations have been attempted and 12 step programs have sprouted up throughout the nation, yet the problem still remains.

I am here to announce that I.....yes I.....have found a cure to this common feline frustration.
In just minutes, using items currently in your home.....you can reclaim property seized by your cats.
No special training is required, children as young as 5 can successfully administer the cure (with adult supervision), and the risk to the patient is minimal. With a proven 98% success rate, I guarantee that if you try my method, you will not be disappointed. If you are interested in finding out more about this revolutionary discovery....please read on.....

How I Reclaimed My Couch...

My cure for feline "It's Mine" disease was discovered quite by accident.
It was a typical evening....my small herd of "It's Mine" infested felines had just completed their nightly ritual of forcing me off of my couch in order for them to take their after dinner nap ( I feel it necessary to point out that this would be the couch that sits unoccupied all day and only becoming "nap worthy" when I want to sit on it). So, I retreat to my usual place of refuge....the computer.
After a frenzy of face cleaning, a bit of rough housing, and some adjustments for comfort....the cats are soon fast asleep upon their favorite fuzzy blanket on my otherwise neglected couch. They tend to sleep lengthwise, a tactic designed to utilize as much space as possible so as not to be disrupted by anyone attempting to sit down. And so the evening goes...I in my not-so-comfortable desk chair.....and the felines sleeping peacefully in a warm purring pile on the couch.
And so it went, until about 2 hours later when all of the sudden I am startled by the sight of all five cats literally flying off of the couch. Seriously, they literally flew from the couch, in a cloud of hissing, puffed-up, freaked out feline frenzy. When they had landed on the other side of the room, they glared at each other in a strangely accusatory manner...all the while posturing as if ready serious battle.
Once I had recovered from the initial evacuation (which scared the ****crap out of me)....I found myself intrigued by what could have caused such an immediate, simultaneous reaction in all of the cats. As I watched them, still wary of each other, still puffed up and posturing, and very, very jumpy....I became aware of an unusual sound coming from the couch where they had been napping just moments before. It took a moment for it to register, but I realized what was causing the sound and was soon laughing hysterically at what had just occurred.
Apparently, as I was being evicted from my seat on the couch earlier in the evening, my cell phone had slipped from my pocket .......falling to rest under the blanket the cats would soon curl up to sleep on.
It was on vibrate.
Somebody called.

My cats do not sleep on the couch any longer.

I used the same method to keep one of them from sleeping on my pillow.